KultureDrome

Living Dead (Eleven)

White House Chief Legal Council Roberto Gonzalez called in to a KLOS radio advertisement for free room and board at a Los Vegas casino. The question was: What city did the rock band The Beatles first play a show in Germany. Was it: A) Paris? B) London? Or, C) Hamburg? “The answer is Paris,” the SHITPANTS-ZOMBIE said with all the authority of the United States Federal Government. “No,” the telephone operator said, “Try again.” The undead Gonzalez wasn’t swayed. “London,” the living corpse came back with immediately. “No, that’s not it either, want to give it another shot?” Now Gonzalez wanted these tickets badly, so he wasn’t backing down. “Berlin,” he said, naming the only city he knew in Germany. “Sorry sir,” the operator said, “That’s not even one of the answers. Give it another try.” At this point Gonzalez became mad, he was more adamant than ever and tried to search his rotten cerebelum. “Hold on,” he said, trying to act normal. “Let me think.” The operator whose job it was to get folks to buy into the advertising campaign no matter what said, “Sure. Fine. Whatever, sir. Of course.” No matter how hard Gonzalez tried, it was useless, he could not make his dead brain work. David Addington, he was sure would know the answer. Addington knew the answer to everything sinister and evil. But Darth Cheney's top henchman scared the CRAP outta the little SHITPANTS ZOMBIE. He decided to call the Decider-in-Crook instead. The Oval Office phone rang and rang and rang next door. Finally, Dubya answered. “It would be a great thing you done, Mr. President,” he said carefully, “If you could tell me the answer.” Dead silence. “Mr. President?” he asked again. “Fuck if I know!” came the answer. “But what should I say?” implored Gonzalez. All he got back from the CRYPTO-FASCIST SHITPANTS ZOMBIE President was the usual broken recording: “Executive Privilege! Executive Privilege! Executive Privilege!” So that’s what he said to the sad-sack switchboard operator on the other line. To quote exactly: “I got Executive Privilege, so give me those GODDAMN tickets NOW or I’ll fry your GODDAMN balls off!” The operator collected himself: “What was your official answer, again?” Gonzalez was just about to have the guy castrated and tortured, but forgot his plan at the last minute. “London,” the ZOMBIE SHITPANTS said instead and put a little extra oomph in his answer. “That’s exactly right,” said the operator. “The first city in Germany the Beatles ever played was London, England. Enjoy your stay in Los Vegas!”