KultureDrome

Living Dead (Fifteen)

They sat in the lounge of the hunting lodge. The detective pushed a Styrofoam cup of coffee across the metal table towards Darth Cheney and rocked back in his chair to try and stave off the tension. He got word from his deputy the Feds were due to show up any minute. It won’t be long now, the lawman thought. They would no doubt whisk the Veep away in a black dragon convoy of heavily armored SUVs, but not before reading him the riot act. The insane cannibal shit he saw go down, permanently wiped off the record. What BULLSHIT, he said to himself, his eyes trained on the pathetic figure of the CRYPTO-FASCIST-ZOMBIE-SHITPANTS opposite him, the slime-bag’s grim green-gray face and white shirt smeared with human blood. The heads of giant elk, black bears, mountain lions — you name it, it was there — decorated the tall walls. “Every kind of animal you wanted to kill had its head mounted on a plaque,” the lawman ironically noted. In some places the hunting trophies were hung four or five high. “Every kind of animal you would want to kill,” he said to himself, and measured the SHITPANTS in front of him, “Except the kind of monster you WISH you could kill.” Darth Cheney's statement was at best perfunctory and opaque: “Dark, nefarious, underworld forces are at work,” was all the villainous BASTARD initially offered as explanation for the half eaten body out back. What had he said exactly? The detective wanted to remember every word that came out of the living corpse’s jackal mouth. Oh yes, the phrase came back to him. “The tireless enemy is everywhere among us all the time.” George E. Turner and Michael H. Price anchor The Human Monster: The Bizarre Psychology of Movie Villains with “The Villains Still Pursue Me” in which Vincent Price lovingly describes some of his all-time favorite scoundrels. “Aristotle,” the actor writes, “had a theory of drama. Now, this sounds like I’m digressing. And it’s the story of my life; I digress. But part of Aristotle’s theory of drama was that the villain, the man who must pay for his sins at the end of the drama, should not be a drab man. He should not be a skulking man. He should not be an ugly man. He needn’t be the Hunchback of Notre Dame. He needn’t be that kind of man. Actually, according to Aristotle, the villain should be a man of great nobility, of high birth, of wealth, of education, because Aristotle felt if that man has to pay for his sins — this educated, beautiful, noble human being — if he must pay for his sins, then, you and I, the hoi polloi, know that we must pay for ours.” To conjure his sense of the successful villain Vincent Price quotes a passage from the Devil’s part in George Bernard Shaw’s Man and Superman: “I know that beauty is good to look at, that music is good to hear, that love is good to feel. I know that to be well exercised in these sensations is to be a refined and cultivated being. And, I also know, Don Juan, that whatever they say about me, the Devil, in churches on earth, it is universally conceded in good society that the Prince of Darkness is a gentleman.” Less appealing to Price are the villains born with what he calls “a demon in their view.” He cites as ready examples the likes of Hitler and Charles Manson, but could just as easily have thrown Darth Cheney and the Bushreich Administration as whole on the list. After a while the ZOMBIE-COCKSUCKER leaned forward with a knowing look so no one but the lawman opposite could hear him, already relieved by the confession he was about to make, “I think it must be some kind of mind-control!” Mind-control? Imagine that! These CRYPTO-FASCIST-SHITPANTS in the White House are so GODDAMN incompetent they even screw up the villain role!